i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
