Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
