thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
