you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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