I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
