I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
