I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ladies don't puke and tell
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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