At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she looked like the before picture.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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