I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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