I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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