So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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