Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
