Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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