you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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