Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
