ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
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