Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
