I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Come on in and take your pants off
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