everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
