She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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