I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
