i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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