Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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