you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
