dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
