Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
