fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
