First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
