A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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