I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
