Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
