I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
