You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
