Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
