Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
