Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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