I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
