cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
