I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
