i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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