When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
