Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
