she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
