what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
