Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
