we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
