dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
