There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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