She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
