yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
