So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Randomize
