I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
